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    Rediscovering Yourself: A Journey To Inner Peace

    How do you heal a broken soul? I think that is a very tough question. If you tell your doctor that you are suffering from heartbreak, he might send you to therapy. To be honest, over 15 years ago, I did a few sessions with a therapist. It felt good to talk about my problem, but it didn’t do anything else for me. I could have talked with my best friend about it, with the same result of relief.

    Creativity is a wonderful way to find yourself.  For me, I can not be creative right after a dramatic event or shock. However, after a while, when I have more distance, I almost need to take out my colors again and paint or do a drawing.

    It isn’t about doing a masterpiece or training for a stage performance. It is about calming your thoughts, nerves, and forgetting your problems for a while. Once you are calm, you are better equipped to approach your problems.

    What I learned along my journey on this earth is not to try to fix everything at once. As I was very young, I felt broken. I thought I needed repair like a broken car. I don’t feel that way anymore. I am not broken. I may have been hurt by events out of my control, but because I am still here means I am not a defective person. Peeling away the layers, just one problem at a time, and taking a step back. Look at it and explore why you feel a certain way about it. Don’t go into fixing mode. Often it takes time to get there. Getting calm and assertive is difficult when life gets turned upside down.

    This is when I use creativity. Whether I paint or draw or write an article or sometimes even find words for a poem … it doesn’t matter. It always calms me down.

    I have two journals, one I use sometimes to draw something to express my feelings, and the other one is for words. I don’t do that every day. Only if I need it. Journaling can help a great deal.

    My newest painting, “Beyond The Veil”, which isn’t for sale … just for me to honor my husband's passing and his last ride into another realm. It hangs in my office-studio and I see it every day. It is my way of honoring his memory, and I know he would have liked it.

    Find your way to yourself. I hope I could inspire you a bit.

    Art Is My Passion

    Christina

    Categories: Art Painting Writing

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    When Words Heal

    Today I am using words to help my soul. In my last post, I discussed using creativity to heal and express yourself. I also mentioned that I am going through the aftermath of a major loss. For the first time, I feel I am ready to share some of that.

    I lost my husband on June 8th this year to ALS. It was a very dramatic loss because his diagnosis came 4 days before he passed. You wonder why? He tried to get an appointment with a neurologist for almost 2 years with no result until he couldn't walk anymore and we decided to seek help at San Francisco Spine Center. He got an appointment but it was too late for him because he died before that. I became his sole caretaker starting Thanksgiving last year (when he couldn't walk anymore) and had to do everything for him. Things, you do not even think about when you are healthy. As he lost his strength to get with my help from the recliner into the wheelchair I had to call 911 and in the hospital, he got his diagnosis. 4 days later he left me with respiratory failure due to ALS.

    I don't have family in my town and because my life has been consumed with taking care of him, worrying, fears, and anxiety I became very isolated. I don't have children (a son or daughter would come in real handy now) and I dealt with that all by myself.

    I listened to many videos about being a widow, joined groups, and read articles ... and it didn't help. They all tell you what to do and what not to do. I used to be a recovery coach working with partners of alcoholics. It is funny, I did precisely the same thing even though I grew up with a drinking father. We are so quick to tell others what to do. I know it is well meant but if somebody tells me once more I have to go out and socialize I start to yell. It has been a few months since I lost him. The pain isn't so raw anymore and most of the time I can talk about it without bursting into tears. That is easier but the emptiness in my heart is still there. My purpose is gone and the reason why I came to this country, too. It was all for him. 

    I am engulfing myself in my paints and writing to find peace again. Maybe my words will help another widow (what a strange word in my vocabulary) who is going through the same. It feels weird to share this so publicly but it feels like he keeps living through me and my words.

    I don't know if I share more about all this. However, if you think it has value please give this post a like to let me know.

    Thank you for listening to my heart.

    Christina

    Categories: Art Writing

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    Art As A Tool

    Art is an amazing tool that helps the soul to heal. I know from personal experience. It guided me through so many dark hours. Creativity is a wonderful way to cope with challenges. It gives you an instrument to express your feelings.

    I paint but you can use any material that appeals to you (clay, digital media, etc.). It is super important to understand that you must let go of self-critique. Judging is a big no-no if you use creativity to deal with pain.

    When I work on a painting I usually don't know the "why". I act on impulse. That means I see something I can't let go of until I know what I want to do with it. Not all my paintings are masterpieces. Some paintings I just keep in a special place even if they aren’t super cool because they have a special meaning to me.

    Below you find the benefits of using art to cope and heal your heart:

    • Express feelings and thoughts
    • Reduce distress and conflict
    • Relieve depression and anxiety
    • Cope with pain
    • Sharpen your self-awareness and improve your self-esteem
    • Enhance social skills

    It works, I am living proof! I am coping with a life-changing major loss that shook up my whole being. Now I begin to paint again and use words to express myself. The painting I am working on clearly deals with my loss which initially was not my intention. I saw something that stirred deeply in my soul and only now do I see that it expresses how I feel.

    Are you going through a challenging time? Try using creativity without self-judgment and criticism. Don't push yourself too hard. Take your time. Baby steps are a good start.

    Get active to feel better about your situation and your life. Most of us have lots more living to do and finding a little slice of happiness is key to moving onward.

    Christina

    Categories: Art Painting Writing

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    Finding A Way Out Of The Storm – Soul Travel

    Last night I dreamed about you again. I was searching for you while I was trying to find myself.

    I didn’t find you and … my soul remained lost in mist. Where are you? Where did you go? I don't understand it all.

    What am I to do without you?

    Where can I turn when my heart is full?

    Nowhere to go and nowhere to lean onto.

    I lost my companion, my soulmate, my love! The world doesn't care and why should they? They have their own lives and worries.

    Sentiments of loss and the effort to make sense of life without love; gone forever.

    I am lying in bed. Sometimes I cry and try to get it all out. I am trying to climb the hill of hope to find a destination. Then I realize that I don’t know the destination; I don’t know my purpose and my goals are gone.

    Art

    I get told to use my art to find healing and give my time to causes to find purpose. “Go into the world and find new friends”, they encourage me. Nobody knows how hard that is. Nobody.

    Christina 

    Categories: Art Painting Writing

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    Find Hope …

    The days pass and hope begins to elute

    It doesn’t get better, only worse.

    How can strengths be found without hope?

    Or is it still there somewhere, deep down?

     

     

    We march on like dutiful little soldiers.

    Holding the body straight

    Giving up isn’t an option.

    Where is the “food” to keep us going?

     

    Perhaps hope is hiding in nature,

    In our little companion dog?

    Maybe the next morning will clear the soul?

    So we keep marching, searching …

     

    Christina

    Categories: Art Painting Writing

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    WELCOME TO MY WORLD

    Painting And Writing

    Helps Me Through Storms I Can’t Control

    It Brings Me Harmony And Peace

    When The World Around Me Goes Crazy

    Welcome To My World!

    I am going through a storm right now. My old coping mechanisms do not work anymore. I am a caregiver and bound to my home base because of it. All the mingling with friends and others isn’t possible at this moment. But … I can use my art to feel I still exist, that I still have a purpose other than be of service.

    That is why I created a new home for my artistic endeavors. Something for me … to feel my core again. To have a voice doesn’t matter how small and inadequate this voice may be. It is mine. My attempt to create order in my soul in an unpredictable life.

    Follow me along if that resonates with you. You can even share your art if you are creating too. Post a comment if you like. Maybe you are struggling too? It helps to find a voice in making something pretty or unusual, or simply fun.

    Christina

    Categories: Art Painting Writing

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